Get a Life

Before my divorce was final I felt depressed most days. Since it has been final I still have bad days, but I actually have some good days now too. In the process I have learned something about myself. When I feel depressed and down I tend to isolate. It's on those days that I cringe when the phone rings. I don't want to talk to or see anyone other than my kids.

And while I think there are times when I need to listen to those feelings and give myself a break from other people, I have also learned that I almost always feel better if I push through and don't isolate.

Yesterday I was faced with an isolation feeling. It was my day off and I didn't have anything scheduled. And while I was very glad to have a day like that, I found myself feeling down also. But I had some invitations come in that I had to deal with. I had been invited to dinner for tonight (Saturday). I was nervous. It is someone I don't know very well. And then a friend from church asked if I want to get together after church on Sunday. And another friend from church invited me and my kids over for dinner and swimming on Monday night.

What I really wanted to do was crawl under my bed and hide. But I prayed, gathered up my courage and said yes to all three invitations. I am getting a life.

My marital decline/separation/divorce have pretty well consumed the last 4 years of my life. And while I have worked hard throughout that time to pursue new friendships, business ventures and hobbies, all of that has been constantly overshadowed by my marital issues.

But now the divorce is final and I am getting on with my life. It feels like I was in the middle of a lake with just my face above water, flailing from time to time, but trying to keep calm and keep breathing through those four difficult years. And now I am on the shore. I am soggy and exhausted, but I am on the shore. But as I look around I realize that I am in a new place. Very little of this land is familiar to me. I am relieved to be here and not in the middle of the lake anymore, but I am also scared and uncertain.

So, I am praying a lot. I am answering my phone. And I am accepting invitations. My life doesn't have to be about my divorce anymore. It is time to get a life, even if it scares me.