When my friend Kim has to have a difficult, possibly conflict-laden conversation with someone she says she is "going into the tunnel" with that person.
I don't know about you, but I do not enjoy or look forward going into the tunnel. But those tunnel moments have an interesting effect on our relationships. Logically, it seems that the best relationships would be those free from conflict and difficulty. But, experience teaches us that this just isn't the case.
Relationships where we don't ever go into the tunnel tend to be shallow. We never really know if they will survive difficulty or not. And there is something about emerging from the tunnel together that inspires loyalty. I find this even with my music students. There always comes a point where we have to deal with a difficult issue. So, we go into the tunnel.
Today I had to go into the tunnel with a student who has been with me for only two weeks. I found it empowering, not in a selfish sort of way, but in a way that made me feel confident that I can speak my mind. I shared what she needed to hear with kindness and concern, but I didn't shy away from what needed to be said. I know from experience that if this student decides to continue studying with me after our trip into the tunnel, she will likely be with me for a long time.
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