Pizza and Mythbusters

Family traditions are important. Growing up, my family had a lot of them. There are even specific meals we would eat on specific holidays using specific recipes. My mom made sure that things were "just so."

As a single parent I think it is easy to lose sight of the importance of family traditions. Let's face it, most days we are just trying to make it. But, to the children in a single-parent home, I think traditions may be even more important. Their lives have likely been rocked a bit and they need stability.

So, in our family we have pizza and Mythbusters. I have no doubt that my children will remember this even as adults. It is something that we all love, even me. We rarely eat out or pick up food, so getting pizza is a real treat. And when we eat pizza, we always have a living room picnic and watch Mythbusters. In fact, we aren't allowed to watch it (except on rare occasions) unless we have pizza to go with it. And we wouldn't even consider pizza without watching the show.

We have other traditions as well. We finally read together each night before bed. This is something I always wanted to do, but could never seem to manage. But, now we have read the entire 'Little House' series and are almost through 'The Chronicles of Narnia.' It is cheaper than pizza and is really quite easy to keep up with. But, again it provides stability for my kids. And I have no doubt that they will always remember these things as special family traditions.

What to do tonight?

I really like evenings. I have heard that other single moms get lonely at night, but gratefully, I rarely do. Once my kids are in bed and the house is quiet I can choose what I want to do without compromise. And that is an advantage that married people just don't have.

I don't have to watch someone else's tv show. I can read if I want to, as late as I want to, with the light on in my room. I can go to bed early, or stay up late. I can even watch a chick-flick for the thousandth time if I choose. Once my kids are in bed I don't have anyone else wanting my time, attention, or energy.

Maybe I'll take a bubble bath.

40 Trips Around the Sun

I had my birthday yesterday. The single mom birthdays hold some challenges. I do miss having someone to plan something special, or to surprise me with a gift. My ex-husband was great at gift-buying.

So, a couple of years ago I started buying myself a birthday and a Christmas present. It is never a surprise of course, but I can save up and get whatever I want most. At first it was hard to spend the money, and I felt a little silly. But I did it anyway. I figured that if I were still married, money would be spent for my birthday. Why should that change just because I'm single?

I even wrap them. And, no, I'm not surprised when I open them, But there is something about the act of ripping off the paper that just makes it more fun. And whatever I buy, whenever I buy it, I cannot use it or look at it until the big day.

One year I bought myself one of my favorite tv series on DVD for Christmas. (Ok, it was one of the Star Treks, but don't tell anyone.) I made myself wait to watch it until Christmas morning. And I was so glad that I did. My mother insists that we all try on our Christmas clothes and come show her so she can take a picture (yes, in every outfit). I hadn't been alone for that ritual in over a decade. But, I set up my portable DVD player and watched my new DVD while I tried on clothes alone and I wasn't lonely at all. I did have to pause it a lot as I ran up and down the stairs to show my clothes to my mom, but I didn't mind.

I think as single moms we have a choice. We can focus on the difficulties, and how lonely we feel, and wallow in self-pity. Or, we can be martyrs and focus on all that we do and how hard it is to do it. Or we can do what we can to take care of ourselves and enjoy our lives. So, why not buy yourself a gift? Save up, and enjoy!

Give Me a Break!

No, really, I needed a break.

As a single mom, especially a homeschooling one, I am around my kids all the time. And I love being around my kids. It's part of the reason that I choose to homeschool. But as moms, we all need a break occasionally.

A dear friend of mine (also a homeschooling, single mom) offered to keep my kids for a full 24 hours so that I could have a real break -no diapers to change, no little mouths to feed, no arguments to referee, no one to put to bed at night, and no one to interrupt my quiet time in the morning. And I didn't have to keep looking at my watch so I wouldn't miss pick-up time since they were spending the night.

I really appreciate her heart. I didn't ask her for that, or even complain to her that I needed a break. But in her situation her kids are elsewhere every other weekend so she gets a break then. She knew that I didn't.

It was lovely. I grilled myself a steak for dinner, with sauteed mushrooms. I did some shopping (fun shopping). I went to the fabric store and browsed in Half-Price Books. I sat at home and relaxed. And before I picked up my kids the next day I had a hot fudge sundae for dinner.

I am starting this week much more refreshed. Once I thought about it I realized that I hadn't had 24 hours without my children and without anything scheduled in four years. These years are busy years, and wonderful years. I know I will get lots of breaks in the far-off future. But, still, it was a nice 24 hours.

Double Standards

I teach piano lessons. Actually, I teach lessons with a revolutionary piano method called Simply Music®. This particular method is taught most effectively in groups. So, I typically teach classes with 2-5 students. The classes are great fun, but even more than that, the success of the students is like nothing I have ever seen before.

This week I had an inquiry from a homeschooling family with 3 children. I spoke with the mom who was interested in enrolling all three. She was happy to find out that, because they were fairly close in age, they could all be in a class together.

Then this morning she called me again. Her husband decided that the lessons were too expensive. I understand that. I'm on a very tight budget myself. But then she told me that her husband had figured up that I would be making more an hour than he does, so he wasn't willing to pay that much.

These people don't know that I am a single mom and that this is how I support my family. But, that shouldn't matter. What is the double standard here? Is it that a woman shouldn't make as much as a man? Or is it that piano teachers shouldn't make decent money? Whatever it was, it made me spitting-mad.

Perhaps if he is concerned that I make more money per hour than he does he should consider teaching Simply Music piano lessons himself. He wouldn't even need a music degree.

If you are interested in teaching Simply Music check out www.simplymusic.com/AboutTeaching.

S.O.S.

We've all read them. You know, the "happily ever after" stories. It's so interesting to me that once the prince and princess are married that the rest is guaranteed. I suspect that I'm not the only one who expected that to be true in real life.

But, here I am. I am a single mom of four children under 12. And I am feeling the pressure. I sense a great weight on my shoulders. How will I make it financially? How will I raise them all by myself? How do a teach a boy to be a man? It is a great responsibility. There are times when I wish I had someone to share the burden.

Our church service this week was at the airport, well not in the airport exactly. It was at a hotel at the airport though. I don't know if you've ever been to DFW, but it is practically its own city. I hate driving to DFW. But, that's where church was. So I loaded us all up in the car and headed out.

We made it okay. But then we had to park in the garage. I have a lousy sense of direction and often have trouble relocating my car after I park it in a big parking garage. I took note of my parking place number. I made sure to notice which level we were on. When I walked into the hotel I tried to pay close attention to where we came in so that we could leave through the same door. But all the while I knew that when the time came to leave I would feel uncertain about where to go.

As we sat in service in a giant hotel ballroom I noticed that I kept looking towards the door as if I were waiting for someone. My children were all accounted for and I'd seen most of my friends already. There was no one to look for really. Eventually, I realized that I was looking for a rescuer. It's almost as if I expected the right man to walk through that door any minute. And he would know exactly where we had parked. He would be happy to navigate us out of the airport heading in the right direction. And he would even drive. He would help make the decision about what to do for lunch. And he would be perfectly happy to carry the exhausted three-year-old to the car.

I watched the door for a while, but he never came in. I'm not sure I would have recognized him even if he had. So, we left church. And, yes, I had trouble figuring out which of the doors to the parking garage was the correct one. And I wasn't sure I was in the right place until I actually saw my car. I turned off the radio and told my kids to be quiet so I could concentrate on our way out of the airport in order to make sure I ended up going in the right direction.

But, we made it home.

There are things that really scare me about being a single mom. But, somehow I manage to get through them anyway. Still, there are times when it would be nice to have a man around.

Do you know anyone who knows how to put together a bunk bed?

Ecclesiastes 6:13-14

"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."

A beloved man from my church died this weekend. He left behind a wife and five children. The whole church is reeling. It left many of us wondering - with so many men out there who are hurting and abandoning their families, why would God take a good man who loved his wife and children?

The inevitable conclusion is that we just aren't privy to that information. But, we still question why. I heard it said once that our lives are like a beautiful tapestry. But, while we are on earth God only allows us to see the back of it. I don't know if you've ever seen the back of a tapestry, but it is a mess of strings and the picture is pretty unrecognizable. It isn't until we get to heaven that we have the perspective to see the beauty of the picture. Maybe then we will gain some understanding of the things in life that seem so unfair, that seem to have no good purpose, to the pain that people suffer.

I think the answer is simply this: God has a perspective that we cannot possibly fathom. He sees the past, present and even the future with perfect clarity. He is never perplexed. He is never surprised. He never makes a mistake. He never thinks, "oh no, what am I going to do now?"

So, we can have faith, even through the hard, yucky times. God is working beautiful things in and through our lives. And someday, for those of us who are obedient to God's word, we will be done with the pain and sorrow and tears. Maybe then we will see things a bit more from God's perspective. In heaven we may understand all of this, but I suspect that at that point none of it will seem nearly as important.