Parenting is Hard

Some days I just love being a mom. My kids are so cute and smart and wonderful.

Then there are days like this. It has been incident after incident after incident. On days like this I wonder, "have I been parenting at all? Whose children are these people?"

Sometimes I worry that as a working/business-owning single mom that I am just not focused in enough. Yes, I'm with them probably much more than a typical married mom who sends her kids to school and various after-school activities. But on a day like today I wonder how so much could have slipped past me and then all come out in one day.

It's days like this where I do kind of wish that there were someone else to share in the responsibility (or maybe the blame) with. Or at least a shoulder to cry on.

Sick Days

One of my kids has a fever. I'll be honest, I get scared when my kids get sick. I'm not really scared for them. I'm scared for me. I worry that I will get sick too. And I'm afraid of being sick because as a single mom, I am the only one here to take care of them. When I was married I always knew that I could call my husband home from work if I just couldn't take care of them by myself. But now there is no one to call. It is all on me.

And now that I provide the only income for my family I worry that I won't be able to work. I don't get sick days. Any work I miss I either need to make up or refund.

I have to talk myself through it. I know I have friends and family who would go to the store and drop off groceries on my front porch. And my kids are getting older. They really can be quite self-sufficient when they need to be. And I do have a little money saved up if I had to take a loss in income. And God has always been faithful. We have been really healthy during the years I have been on my own.

But still, I get nervous.

Time for Myself

As single moms it is so easy to forget to take care of ourselves. Between the job, the bills, the home, the meals, and the kids with all of their projects and activities, it can be hard to manage a shower, let alone some 'me' time.

But, for me, finding time for myself is vital. Without it I can get burned-out. I feel overwhelmed. I snap at my kids. I feel like I just can't keep up this pace anymore. So, while it isn't always easy, I make the time.

Now, of course I am not talking about a weekend retreat every month, although that would be nice. But it is amazing how big of a difference an hour or two away from my regular life can make. Lately, I have been taking myself to breakfast once a week. I go to this little cafe with yummy, inexpensive food and good coffee. I sit down and take a few deep breaths and look out the window while I wait for my food. I actually savor what I eat. And then I pull out my fiction book and read for a while.

It doesn't take long, an hour or two at most. But I come away feeling so refreshed. Taking even a little time for myself each week makes my life feel more manageable. And, for me, that is key.

What do you do that makes your single-mom life feel manageable?

The Me Project, by Kathi Lipp

As moms we tend to focus on everything but ourselves. We give to our families and spend almost all of our time taking care of others. But, is it okay to think about what we'd like to do? Is it okay to dream for ourselves?

"The Me Project" says yes. Written by author and speaker Kathi Lipp, this very practical guide encourages women to pursue their dreams, while still taking care of their families. Written from a Christian perspective, this step-by-step book gives you permission and a plan to figure out what your dreams are, make sure they are in line with God's will for you, and to begin pursuing them.

As single moms, we have to make money somehow. Why not take some time and figure out a way to do it that you love, that you feel called to? Dare to dream for your own life, not just for the lives of your children.

Through humor and practical suggestions, Kathi Lipp can help you find yourself again after single motherhood has taken over. So, grab a copy for you (and one for your bff) and start dreaming!

Getting out There

As a single mom, it would be so easy to isolate myself. I homeschool my kids and work out of my house. I could easily stay home all of the time. There is a lot to take care of around here and I do tend to be tired. It would be much easier to stay home and avoid the social scene.

But, I don't want to become a recluse. I like having a life so I go out and live it. I stay active in my church. I go to swim team practice. I have dinner with friends. I take the kids to the lake with my brother. I don't always feel like doing these things, but I do them anyway.

It is important for me to go out and live my life, in spite of being a single mom. Someday my kids will move out, and unless I end up getting remarried, it will just be me (and my future dog). The temptation is to stay home and let my life revolve around my children. But I have to be my own person, and I have to give them room to figure out who they are as well.

Who Cares?

One of the hard things about parenting alone is not having someone to talk with at the end of the day.

When I had a husband we would talk after he got home from work. I would have a chance to rave about my children. I would tell him the things they had done that day, and together, we would marvel at how cute they were, or how smart.

There is something so satisfying about being able to share stories about your children. But, unfortunately, not everyone is interested. Countless sitcoms have been written about people boring their friends and neighbors with home movies and endless stories of how wonderful their kids are. So, obviously, it doesn't work to share these stories with just anyone.

I was at a friend's house today. And she truly loves my children like they were her own. I went on and on about the antics of my little ones. She listened intently, and responded with comments about how cute they are.

I really appreciate knowing that someone else loves my children enough to care about their day-to-day lives. I don't think there is anything that means more to a mom than someone who loves and appreciates her children. And in a single-parent household that someone isn't always easy to come by.

I'm Not Standing Strong, but I am Still Standing

A college student shared her testimony at my church yesterday. She talked about the difficult year she has had. She talked about how she has questioned God, and how she is remaining faithful. Her friends and family have been there to help and support her as she has walked through the storms of the past several months.

It was a very authentic and heartfelt testimony. But what I appreciated the most was her closing. She said, "As I stand here before you I'm not standing strong. But I am still standing."

I tend to have such high expectations of myself. I know what it means to do well spiritually. But, over the past couple of years I have been weighed down by divorce, depression, family illnesses a cross-country move and financial problems. I beat myself up for not "standing strong." But, maybe I need to be grateful and happy that after all the past few years have brought my way that I am still standing.

I am still faithful to God. I am still committed to the body of Christ. I am still raising and educating my children. I haven't pulled an "Eat, Pray, Love" and just walked away from it all. I'm still here.

Hopefully there will come a day when I am able to stand strong - to be an encouragement and example to others, to be the one who volunteers and works behind the scenes. But, for now I am grateful that I am still standing. And I will continue to lean on God and draw strength from him so that I can stand another day.